she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
