i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
