So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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