my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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