all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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