1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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