I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
