im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
