No awkward lesbian experiences without me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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