Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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