I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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