I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
