Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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