i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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