I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
