hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
