I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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