for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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