she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
