she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
