well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
