Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
