this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
