hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
