Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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