Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
