It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
