end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
