I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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