I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
