Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
