You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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