To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how do flat chested girls get laid?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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