she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you inspire me to be a worse person
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
