he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
