U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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