It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
