You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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