Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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