the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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