Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
