Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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