I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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