In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Mom said you looked used
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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