another moral hangover. fuck.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
