Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
