I think my fart just growled at me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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