He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
