Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
