you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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